Friday, May 2, 2008

The Lady Hooligan on Being in Love...

I have found a definition for love...

To love someone is to make yourself vulnerable and trust that you won't get hurt.

But no matter how one looks at it, one probably WILL get hurt if it's not the right partner. That leaves me right in the middle of the most painful feeling I have experienced in a long, long time.

I can name the men that I really, really loved, all of which stuck a knife into my soul and gave it a twist. The question remains - do I really want to go on? I don't know...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Losing the dream - for the moment...

I must have known that it was too good to be true - a dilapidated manor house in Poland for only 50 000 Euro! Needless to say, the property has been taken off the market - whether because it was sold or for any other reason, I don't know...

Oh, well, that probably means that I have to find myself another dilapidated manor house in Europe, hopefully with a moat, a drawbridge and a dungeon... Just in case...

Friday, April 11, 2008

The Lady Hooligan on Losing Trust

It was a sad day today, in the sense that I have lost trust in someone that I had considered to be a friend. Sad that the friendship soured, but also sad that that person will have to work extremely hard to regain my trust.

What gets my goat in this situation, however, is that the friend in question doesn't seem to think that he did anything wrong by not asking my permission and tried to make ME feel like some kind of criminal for being angry at him. I feel used. And THAT is inexcusable.

Oh, well, time to find new friends, isn't it???

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Life happens when you make other plans...

Yes, I know this is a bit different from the usual Lady Hooligan stuff, but today is a "different" kind of day... To begin with, I had an attitude adjustment over the past two weeks - nothing more radical than usual, but still leaving me deeply in thought about my life and loves.

Firstly, I did one of those Myers-Briggs tests. Yes, the kind we did at school to determine suitable occupations, etc. The results were perfectly consistent with those from way back when, but the commentary really threw me a curveball... (I still think whoever wrote that had a long interview with my mom - it's too scarily accurate!) Now at least I know where the "Lady Hooligan" comes from, and why I'm sometimes too wacky for words...

And - being me - I had my boss and my crush both do the test as well... (Didn't warn them, though... ;-)) and now that I know their results, I could look them up, and somehow even more stuff made sense, among others why I got along with both of them so well! (My crush happens to be a very, very good friend when he's not my crush!)

And armed with all this information, I now know how to make the most of both these relationships. (AND I know the crush is mutual, but he doesn't know I know...)

And because I've decided to let go of my infatuation towards abovementioned crush, I'm much more relaxed in his presence and more in tune with getting the relationship built on a very strong foundation. Despite our radical differences, I have a sneaky suspicion that this friendship could develop in much more.

Watch this space...

Ps. Yes, he's one of the reasons why I want a castle in Poland...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A quiet spot...


I wonder if – when I finally get to see the original blueprints of the manor house – it’ll have a chapel. I know many large houses in Catholic countries do – a place to light a candle and basically just sit and reflect on life and spirit...

If it has, I’d like to restore it. Not because I am Catholic, but because I have a passion for all things really worth-while. My Protestant blood hesitates at hanging a crucifix on the wall, though, as to me the Cross is empty. After all, Christ was removed from the cross on the very same day He died, and the empty cross means more to me than might meet the eye... It’s a symbol of a Risen Lord... So yes, maybe an ornately decorated EMPTY cross will do...

I had the pleasure and privilege of attending my brother’s wedding this Easter Weekend, and it made me reflect on my relationships, past and present. I’d like to meet and marry someone special, too. Maybe I know him already, or maybe he waits in my future somewhere... And I’d like to gather my friends and relatives around to celebrate with me, with good food and fine wine...

Oh, well...

Back to the topic...

Many, many moons ago, I spent some money on a psychologist who taught me the skill of self-hypnosis. I have found deep within me a quiet place, where I sometimes go to sort stuff out. Haven’t been there for a while, though – maybe I should visit more often!

And the sooner I sort out the issues currently bugging me, the sooner I’ll find a Significant Other to share my life with! That’s a good deal, in any currency, methinks...

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Lady Hooligan on Letting Go

I have reached a radical conclusion today. Actually not THAT radical, but still wild by my standards...

I have decided to let him go, even if only in my mind. Yes, it hurts a lot and I can only hope the pain will go away soon, but getting some emotional distance between us will give me a clear vision of where this relationship is heading, if anywhere at all!

The problem is that I tend to see every man I go out with as a potential life partner, even if he doesn’t. Sooner or later, that creates serious conflict. So the best would be to back down, let HIM do the pursuing, and see where that leads to...

I’m missing him already!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Obsessions, Volume 1

Even for an obsessive person, I have to admit that this manor house has got me by the whatzits... It’s all I am thinking about. And yes, I have researched it extensively this weekend, in between sorting out stuff and tidying up! (Well, sorting out stuff, anyway!)

It’s not a “romantic” place in any sense of the word – even the era is wrong! Instead it was built in what is known as the “Neo-Renaissance”, the period between 1850 and 1910. Think Renaissance and Baroque, but a bit toned down! The biggest feature of the buildings built in that time, is the oversized windows (from floor to ceiling) and the rounded staircases. Also big, dark pictures with heavy frames, heavy furniture and chandeliers.

Can I share an irony? Most buildings dating from that era that are still standing, are in the former “Communist” countries: East Germany, Poland, the Czech Republic, Russia, Ukraine... Blame it on the West’s obsession with “new”...

BUT, and here’s the rub, I have very little intention of restoring the interior to its initial state. For one, that would involve a pretty primitive kitchen and bathrooms. Instead, I want to see how I can fuse the main decorating ideas from that period with what is fashionable and necessary today. I’ll definitely keep the “big pictures”, as I have the feeling that building will have more wall space than even I can fill...

Biting off more than I can chew? Oh, my friend, most definitely! Can you imagine 1000 m2 of mess? And me stuck right in the middle of it? Well, then I don’t have to explain anything else – your imagination did it all for me! On the positive side, I’ll probably be wearing mostly coveralls for the biggest part of 3 years... So no stressing about what to dress up in! Shall save on clothes PLUS I won’t have to stress too much about buying them! Just replace the coveralls as they wear out!

Oh, well, I guess I’ve committed another information overload on you. But then you have pretty much an idea of what I’m thinking, anyway...

Saturday, March 15, 2008

The Lady Hooligan wants a CASTLE!!!




But not merely any castle... There is a castle in Poland that she particularly wants, not merely because of the extremely cheap asking price... The place is in a terrible state of repair, and she would love to take on the challenge of restoring the building to as much of its former glory as possible...

There are already plans drawn up to create a touristy building (hotel, whatever!), but she’d love to go and live there herself, so she’ll keep as much of the current internal walls intact as possible, but more than likely add some modern touches in the bathrooms and kitchen...

What also attracts her to the building itself, is the basement, which she wants to convert partly into a wine cellar, stocking good red wine from all over the world.

The grounds on which the castle stands are also vast - 1,2 Ha – and that should also provide some privacy and seclusion.

Now all she needs is the money...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Lady Hooligan on NOT losing her temper…

Today I came within minutes of resigning my job. In fact, I opened this document with the intention of writing a letter of resignation, but decided to vent my emotions in a blog note instead. Much more effective in cleansing the system, and the consequences aren’t as far-reaching/damaging/permanent!

I have made peace with the fact that there are people on this planet who go out of their way to be absolutely rude to others. They’re welcome to be – they attract their own negatives – but they should stay as far out of my aura as (super-) humanly possible, lest they corrupt my own positive vibrations.

And that’s exactly what happened this morning. A comet of negativity passed by my atmosphere, sowing little negative bits into me. OK, BIG negative bits. To the point that I wanted to do grievious bodily harm to someone. And no, I’m not a violent person as a rule. Precisely because I know to what depths I can sink. I’m probably fully capable of murder when provoked enough, as are we all.

However, I have read enough to know that I am in full control of my attitudes. So while I have no control over other people’s actions and words, I have every control over my reactions to those actions and words…

The decision has been made…

Saturday, February 2, 2008

The Lady Hooligan on Setting Goals

I have come to the conclusion that if I don’t set goals for myself, I can’t expect to reach any of them. For 2008 I have set out a set of 5 goals (the top 5 on the “43 Goals” list to the right!) to reach, or die trying. They are pretty basic, so I guess they can be done as well.

I am setting a challenge to the readers of this blog... Go to the site, set up a profile (it’s FREE) and set your own goals for 2008... Or maybe even more ambitious life goals. The choice is yours.

And have fun in reaching them!